Easter musings.

Easter. Not sure why but I felt it appropriate to mark it with a blog post. Since I embarked on the journey away from Christian belief the various religious festivals have left me somewhat cold. Not that they ever provided much warmth. Like most things these days they tend to bleed into the background of things as I drift on by. FB is of course awash with the usual references...friends statuses in particular now whiz by on the timeline and I find myself almost automatically "liking" certain posts then suddenly remember that they are no longer relevant to me. It leads me to wonder at times if I am the same person that I was only a couple of years back when I would have been in hearty agreement with the sentiments expressed ...and perhaps there's the rub. Perhaps I am not that person...or never was that person...or only thought I was. And perhaps the moon is made of cream cheese. In any case I react now to much of the spiritual content I come across with a mixture of indifference and , depending on my mood, barely disguised contempt. I am almost certainly, it occurs to me, a more judgemental person now than I was as a believer as I find myself constantly berating the smugness and tweeness of some of the contributions. Then I have to remind myself that I also believed those things and was just as smug (though hopefully not just as twee) in my way. So perhaps little has really changed. Now I may just be deploying my smugness in service to a different master...or to the beat of a different drum...or whatever. Or maybe I am just inherently smug...perish the thought. Not that my change of direction faith-wise has lead to me embracing the atheist cause with anything approaching enthusiasm. I have become more sympathetic to certain atheistic perceptions of religion in general and christianity in particular for sure...but on the whole I find more "active" and vocal atheists an intolerant bunch, at least as arrogant and self aggrandising as the "religious" types they castigate for the same thing. Of course this is not news...human nature knows no sieve fine enough to strain out its narcissistic fondness for the sound of its own voice or the propensity to look down on others when it suits. Especially on social media but that's another story. I include myself in this assessment of course...I may lack the outward beauty of narcissus but whatever stares back from that puddle still holds sway, whatever the cost. Perhaps that's as it should be. Perhaps a certain narcissistic urge is necessary for survival. Or perhaps that's how we justify it to ourselves. 

From the high point of the Christian calendar to narcissus....I clearly have too much time on my hands. Ah well. 

On the personal front things meander on in the way that they do. Decisions continue to pile up and I continue to let them. Some will require action however in the near future. Others will depend on events. Even I cannot prevaricate indefinitely. Though I can make a bloody good go of it. The thing about times like this...Easter I mean ...is that if you allow yourself to you can find yourself in reflective mood. And that can lead to too much thinking. And as we know too much thinking is bad for you. The various "holiday" periods no longer define the year for me as they used to...they used to be tied up with family stuff (good and bad) but now they are processed differently, of necessity. Now they are just another few days or weeks to be negotiated, a task always made more difficult by past associations that still claw and pick at the borders of memory. But the borders are better defended now than they were and each passing year brings a slight dilution of painful recollection. It is how we roll we humans. Time heals apparently. I prefer to say that time gives perspective and provides distance...a lessening of the intensity of it all. Nothing really heals. Perhaps that is as it should be. Some pain and hurt should remain...as a reminder of our humanity if nothing else. And to keep us alive. 

Happy Easter.